Every once in a while, Brad and I will wake up and think, "What the heck did we do? And why are we in Provo?" It's one of those questions that we can only answer with one word... "Jesus." Jesus sent us here. It doesn't make it any easier, it doesn't mean that we automatically have a billion friends, and it definitely doesn't mean that it feels like home yet. We are still adjusting.
Sometimes I walk out of our apartment and feel like the only "different" one. I don't have a baby, I'm not a student, I drink coffee, and I'm not LDS. However, when people ask me what Mormon ward I'm in, I say, "The CenterPoint Ward." They stop for a minute, then laugh. Sometimes it's really hard, and all I want to do is run back to the northwest and be submerged back into the Christian community we had in Oregon. But every time I start to think those thoughts, it just doesn't seem like where we're supposed to be. Every time I get really homesick, the Lord does something amazing, and reaffirms our call to ministry here in Utah county.
I am so encourage by all that God is doing, and the fact that I get to be a part of it. One thing I've learned is that, I DO NOTHING. Nothing that has happened here is because of me. It's obvious when I take a step back and see God's hand in peoples lives, and their transformation into freedom in Christ. All I did was obey God's call to be here. That's it. I'm thankful He is the One to take on the heavy burdens of others and myself.
At bible study on Tuesday, one of the students brought this verse to the groups attention.
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
-Matthew 11:28-30
We are going through the book of Galatians, and our last study was on Galatians 2:15-21, and how we're saved by faith. That's it. That's what Jesus says over and over again in the New Testament, how we're saved by faith in Christ and what He did for us, not by works. If we are dead in our sins, then how can we work our way to grace? If we don't accept the gospel in the New Testament of being saved by faith, then we are ultimately saying that Jesus isn't good enough... He's not enough. I don't know about you, but Jesus is more than enough for me. I think it's easy as humans to get hard on ourselves... But Jesus came so that we might have life in Him. He wants to take on all our worries and concerns.
So why do I still worry sometimes?
Brad and I talk about the future, and we have no idea where we will end up. And that's okay, because I don't think God wants us to map out our lives. He has it in His hands. I trust Him to take care of us and lead us... He has so far. There's just something about not knowing that gets us humans... especially us women... Doesn't it? or maybe it's just me, because I'm a hyper-planning freak. Who knows. All I know is that the unknown can be a little scary sometimes. Or maybe thats just me.
Now to reel this conversation back in, and I apologize for blabbing, but sometimes I just need to do that. We all need to be real and honest sometimes, right? I like authenticity, and I think it's important to be authentic and open... So I'm going to be... Even on here.
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When I really think about it, I'm so glad we're here. I can't imagine us being anywhere else right now. We have made some amazing friends here. Our church really feels like home and family... But that doesn't mean I don't miss home home sometimes.
Sometimes I walk out of our apartment and feel like the only "different" one. I don't have a baby, I'm not a student, I drink coffee, and I'm not LDS. However, when people ask me what Mormon ward I'm in, I say, "The CenterPoint Ward." They stop for a minute, then laugh. Sometimes it's really hard, and all I want to do is run back to the northwest and be submerged back into the Christian community we had in Oregon. But every time I start to think those thoughts, it just doesn't seem like where we're supposed to be. Every time I get really homesick, the Lord does something amazing, and reaffirms our call to ministry here in Utah county.
I am so encourage by all that God is doing, and the fact that I get to be a part of it. One thing I've learned is that, I DO NOTHING. Nothing that has happened here is because of me. It's obvious when I take a step back and see God's hand in peoples lives, and their transformation into freedom in Christ. All I did was obey God's call to be here. That's it. I'm thankful He is the One to take on the heavy burdens of others and myself.
At bible study on Tuesday, one of the students brought this verse to the groups attention.
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
-Matthew 11:28-30
We are going through the book of Galatians, and our last study was on Galatians 2:15-21, and how we're saved by faith. That's it. That's what Jesus says over and over again in the New Testament, how we're saved by faith in Christ and what He did for us, not by works. If we are dead in our sins, then how can we work our way to grace? If we don't accept the gospel in the New Testament of being saved by faith, then we are ultimately saying that Jesus isn't good enough... He's not enough. I don't know about you, but Jesus is more than enough for me. I think it's easy as humans to get hard on ourselves... But Jesus came so that we might have life in Him. He wants to take on all our worries and concerns.
So why do I still worry sometimes?
Brad and I talk about the future, and we have no idea where we will end up. And that's okay, because I don't think God wants us to map out our lives. He has it in His hands. I trust Him to take care of us and lead us... He has so far. There's just something about not knowing that gets us humans... especially us women... Doesn't it? or maybe it's just me, because I'm a hyper-planning freak. Who knows. All I know is that the unknown can be a little scary sometimes. Or maybe thats just me.
Now to reel this conversation back in, and I apologize for blabbing, but sometimes I just need to do that. We all need to be real and honest sometimes, right? I like authenticity, and I think it's important to be authentic and open... So I'm going to be... Even on here.
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When I really think about it, I'm so glad we're here. I can't imagine us being anywhere else right now. We have made some amazing friends here. Our church really feels like home and family... But that doesn't mean I don't miss home home sometimes.
i loved provo when I visited there! and your lips look amazing!!!
ReplyDeletexxS
Molly, I know exactly how you feel! My husband and I were just transferred from Oregon to Southern California and sometimes I wake up and just want to cry because I'm wondering why are we here? But like you said, every time I question God's plan, then He does something amazing to affirm our being here. I love that He does that when we have waves of doubt :) xoxo
ReplyDeletehttp://mylifeasawifetheblog.blogspot.com/
what a great perspective. husband and i are in the process of making some big decisions and are praying for His guidance during this time. we have a good God but it's hard to let the worries go sometimes. i know exactly how you feel. and i tried red lips for the first time the other day and was nicely surprised by how much i liked it :) looks great on you!
ReplyDeleteThanks for opening up and sharing this with us! It's tough being in a new area with not many friends. We're pretty far from family and don't have many friends our age, but it's so great how sometimes I just think about where we are and I really feel like this is where we're supposed to be right now. Having a good church really helps. It's really interesting hearing about how strong the Mormon influence is there, and about your ministry. I will pray for your ministry there.
ReplyDeleteHi there! A friend recommended your blog and I love it. You're so fun. We're preparing to be in the same boat you're in. My head is going into full-time ministry in May, and we have no idea where God will send us or what His plan is. Very excited to find out! Stay encouraged,
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What a great post. If you ever decide to wonder why you're in Michigan, we must grab coffee. I am pretty sure we could have some awesome convos about what great things God does to those to who follow Him.
ReplyDeletexoxo
Hey Molly! I feel like I know you...I've been reading your blog for some time now. Your style drew me in, but your heart for Jesus Christ has kept me reading. I love to see how the Lord is at work in your life. I'm a mom of two kids on Alabama, but have been through some of the same things...the Lord transferred my husband a few years ago and we were away from family and friends for four years. We are so thankful now. We grew so much in the Lord and our faith in His plan, and not ours. Our marriage was made stronger...it was such a great thing. I love reading, I love your openness about our Savior...saved by grace...that's all...Jesus plus nothing is what my pastor always says. says. Keep the faith in His plan!
ReplyDeleteWell now I'm sad I don't live in Provo so we could be friends! As a Mormon, I love reading your blog and about your love for Christ. You are so inspiring! I'm sure you will touch many lives in Utah as you share what the Savior has done for you in your life. I just moved from NYC to Seattle and yes, making friends is really hard. It's difficult to resist the urge to scurry back to your old home where things were familiar and you felt loved. But don't worry, I'm sure you will have no problems making friends there. Us Mormons are super social and can never have too many friends! Can't wait to hear more about this new chapter in your life.
ReplyDeleteLove your red lipstick!!! Xoxo
ReplyDeleteMolly, this is definitely something that I can relate to! My fiance and I are praying about a possible job opportunity that would require us to move to Washington. Your post is encouraging in that we are not to plan out our lives...everything that happens has already passed through His hands!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading this post, especially on the whole "not-knowing thing." I'm a super-planner, too so I can definitely relate! I just wanted to thank you for being so authentic and so true to yourself. It's refreshing and it's such an encouragement/inspiration to me!
ReplyDeleteMoving is always exciting but difficult (I just moved for the twelve time this week). In time things will all come together and the new adventures always out ways the lonely slumps along the way!
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing your thoughts. I feel that you have voiced out a lot of the thoughts I have sometimes. I'm blessed to have 2-3 friends around me who remind me that choosing everything in my life according to Christ is the good (and not crazy) thing to do. Here in Toronto, Canada, I look pretty normal like everyone else around me---but it's hard sometimes to live by faith and not feel like the crazy person.
ReplyDeleteTotally resonate with this blog post--specifically being called somewhere. I'm in ministry myself and sometimes you just have to be reminded of that current calling.
ReplyDeleteAlso, totally appreciate your blog content...especially about Jesus and fashion!
I totally resonate with this post and your being called somewhere. I have experienced that; currently in ministry myself. Sometimes, we just have to be reminded why we are somewhere.
ReplyDeleteAppreciate your content--especially Jesus and also fashion related posts!
Hey
ReplyDeletenew vistor to this blog, but you are amazing. Just to say thanks for being so open about your faith. More encouraging than you know. Also I totally identify with the unknown being so scary- it is a girl thing!! Keep trusting :)
will look forward to reading your future blogs :)