is it easy or is it hard?

Most of my weekend was spent tucked away in various coffee shops around town. For the most part, it was spent slaving away on my work study and creating lessons for my unit. I did manage to set aside a few hours of "me time". Those few hours I spent reading the book I'm currently hooked on The Reason for God, by Timothy Keller, and reflecting in my journal.

I'm almost done with The Reason for God, and I have to admit, I don't want it to end! I want to keep learning and gaining spiritual knowledge from Timothy Keller.  This year, I've been challenging myself to ask the really hard questions, to wrestle with those questions, and to not just let those questions roll off my shoulder.  What I've found, is the further I dig, the more filled I become.  I'm never left with doubt, I'm always left with a peace that my God exists, my Jesus is truth, and He is the reason for existence.  It's a scary thing to give yourself over, to let yourself go, to get rid of your personal ideas and agendas.  That's why having a personal relationship with Christ is a scary thought for many.  It's easy to believe in a God and follow a list of "morals" or "good deeds", but to actually surrender all of yourself to God, that's a whole different story.  But, can I tell you, it's so much easier to actually give yourself up, then to try and wrestle and find meaning in what you want to put your identity into. 

"The Christian way is different---both harder and easier.  Christ says, "Give me ALL. I don't want just this much of your time and this much of your money and this much of your work---so that your natural self can have the rest.  I want you.  Not your things.  I have come not to torture your natural self... I will give you a new self instead.  Hand over the whole natural self--- ALL the desires, not just the ones you think wicked but the ones you think innocent--- the whole outfit.  I will give you a new self instead.

The almost impossibly hard thing is to hand over your whole self to Christ.  But it is far easier than what we are all trying to do instead.  For what we are trying to do is remain what we call "ourselves"--- our personal happiness centered on money or pleasure or ambition--- and hoping, despite this, to behave honestly and chastely and humbly.  And that is exactly what Christ warned us you cannot do.  If I am a grass field--- all the cutting will keep the grass less but won't produce wheat.  If I want wheat... I must be plowed up and re-sown.

If you don't live for Jesus you will live for something else.

If Jesus is your center and Lord and you fail him, he will forgive you.  Your career can't die for your sins.  You might say, "If I were a Christian I'd be going around pursued by guilt all the time!"  But we all are being pursued by guilt because we must have an identity and there must be some standard to live up to by which we get that identity.  Whatever you base your life on--- you have to live up to that.  Jesus is the one Lord you can live for who died for you--- who breathed his last breath for you.  Does that sound oppressive?

If Jesus is the Creator-Lord , then by definition nothing could satisfy you like he can, even if you are successful.  Even the most successful careers and families cannot give the significance, security, and affirmation that the author of glory and love can.

Everybody has to live for something.  Whatever that something is becomes "Lord of your life," whether you think of it that way or not.  Jesus is the only Lord who, if you receive him, will fulfill you completely, and, if you fail him, will forgive you eternally."

{The Reason for God, pg. 178-179}

Isn't that good?

I know we don't all believe in the same things, but if I don't share what's in my life and what's on my heart, I would be hiding my identity.  This is who I am.  I don't feel as though God is a "crutch", in fact, I think the opposite.  I think that it's harder to live a life solely in Christ and nothing else, then it is to live a life for yourself. Why? Because your letting yourself go, you are not your own anymore, you're trusting yourself into the hands of something much greater than you could ever become or this world could ever give you.

I can say that when you finally let go of your own agenda, your own way, you will be greatly blessed and full of more life than you could ever imagine.

Thoughts?