I'm thankful for my "extremely hot" husband.
We've been married for almost two years now, and there is still so much growing, so much teaching, and so much learning that is taking place in our marriage. We are a work in progress, and to be honest, I think we will be for the rest of our married lives. You all know that this year has been really difficult, in the sense that we barely get to see each other, and when we do get to see each other, we're so tired that we have no energy to communicate. We continue to go and go and go, pour ourselves into others, and in the midst of all of this chaos, we forgot to just be with each other. Me, the emotional processor that I am, word vomited all over Brad last week, spewing out how I missed us. I really really missed just being with my husband. Friday afternoon, we went to Starbucks, grabbed some coffee, brought along our bibles, and just talked out how we could make things better. How we could spend more quality time together. How we could be more encouraging. How we could pray for one another daily. How we could pursue each other in this busy season of life. It was totally needed, and the Lord showed up and blessed us for taking this hard time to him. Even though our "game plan" may seem like nothing to you unmarried folks, to you married folks, I'm sure you can relate on how easy it is to forget to really check in with your spouse daily. On that little Starbucks napkin above is our "game plan". Every night from 10:00-10:15 pm [sometimes longer!] we will stop whatever we're doing to talk about our days and pray together. Every friday afternoon, we'll read our Bibles and enjoy some good coffee together [for some reason, going somewhere makes it that much easier to communicate]. And lastly, once a month we will spend an evening going on a "real" date [we'll go do something out of the usual, out of town]. Discussing how we can grow closer in our marriage, and actually putting our discussion into action is really encouraging. Regrouping and communicating is so necessary for us.
For all you busy married folks, what's something you and your spouse do to stay in tune with each other? Any tips? Words of wisdom? Please share!
It's such a good idea to make a pro-active decision to put your marriage first. This is the time of your life where you need to build a strong foundation, because I hate to break it to you - it gets busier! Babies and jobs and hobbies turn into families and careers and life goals. Babies are busy, but kids are even busier (about a million people told me that, but I never believed them!). And the 'job' my husband had when we first met is now a very busy and rewarding career for him. He travels or has to work late, etc and of course I support him and pick up the slack in the family because it means so much to him! Take advantage (which it looks like you are!) of this special time of your life where it's just about the two of you!
ReplyDeletehey girl! i enjoy your blog so much... it seems like you're so similar to jay & i. we have been married for almost 2 years in february and are experiencing a busy season, as well. and it's hard. really hard. jay finished his masters in may and he is working 55-60 hour weeks. i'm getting my masters and working 20 hours a week. needless to say, we guard our time together fiercely.
ReplyDeleteone of my favorite things is just taking 15-20 minutes at the end of the night to just snuggle together. it adds SO much to the day and takes so little energy (which is key!). we just lay in bed and cuddle under the sheets and chat about our day. it's perfect, it's cheap, and it's easy :)
adorable post! and you look gorgeous!
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Loved this post. Totally relate - Amsterdam, while amazing, has also been quite challenging on our marriage. It has forced us to be more deliberate with our communication and appreciate our time together more than ever. I also suggest turning off the computer/phone/ipad/TV/whatever whenever you can when you're together. We find that cooking dinner together with no distractions is our zen place - we can just focus on us - and enjoy a meal and communicate and all that great stuff.
ReplyDeleteoh gosh, those moments like you just had are HUGE! my husband and i have been married for over 6 years now, and though i've seen a few more things than you do, i still feel exactly the same way. it's always a challenge to have the best marriage possible. like right now, we're figuring out how to argue! i mean, you think we should have it down by now!
ReplyDeleteone thing that helped us in the crazy times, is letting go of some of our "commitments" in order to properly be with each other. if something had to go, it wasn't going to be each other.
the biggest thing is to recognize that you need time together. you already know you want to be with each other! now you can just make it happen! you got this. :)
Hello!
ReplyDeleteI stumbled upon your blog not too long ago and I love reading your posts! I can totally relate with you and your hubby's quest to keep your relationship strong and healthy. My husband and I have very similar schedules that you and yours have, so we understand what it's like to barely see each other. We have made a point to have coffee and bagels at our favorite place every Sunday and then spend most of the day together just enjoying each others company. It may not be exciting to some, but for us, we look forward to it every week. As long as you keep pursuing God and each other, I think your doing pretty well. :)
Best wishes,
Natalie
Weekly date night. I never thought it was important if you didn't have kids (because every night could be considered a date when it's just the two of you) but seriously even the smallest thing makes a world of difference! We like to go to bookstores (those that are left) and look through magazines and sip coffee, or we dress up and go to dinner and a movie... pretty much ANYTHING. And then top it off with you-know-what... It gives us something to look forward to every week and a reason to be intentional with each other : ) And I agree, we've had to be wayyyyy more intentional about spending time together since we've been married.
ReplyDeleteThanks for all the words of wisdom, ladies! It's good to hear that other married couples have to work at spending quality time together! I love all of your ideas as well! I agree that the little things, the intentional things, are the best in a marriage.
ReplyDeleteAnd already you guys are improving your marriage by simply discussing ways to improve :) I just love this. Adorable!
ReplyDeleteoh totallly. have had these types of talks many a time :)
ReplyDeleteI agree with Sarah, a weekly date night that just can mean doing something by spending time just with each other, even if its at home and the TV is off. We also have a dinner spot that is kinda dubbed our dinner out date night to talk and whenever we go there we use it as time to just talk. Like your starbucks spot, its nice to have a place set aside for that. Its so hard but we also try to have dinner at home even if its for 20 minute before running to YL but have as many dinners home together, just a nice time to connect about the day!
Thanks for your honesty on this! I'm not married so I can't completely relate, but knowing how busy like can get in general, I'm sure there are lots of struggles to be intentional and uninterrupted in hanging out together. For me that would mean putting my phone away for awhile when we're together, or having regular date nights. Love these pictures too :)
ReplyDeleteGreat post! Mark and I have been married 8 months now, and it's so amazing! We try to go out once a week and do something together. So, I get pretty grumpy when we don't spend enough time together so we usually snuggle on the couch almost every evening ;). Thanks for sharing!!
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so happy you came upon my blog cause now I am here at yours and I love it!! i am now following!!
ReplyDeletejess
www.jesscauseblog.blogspot.com
Thank you for being so honest and open! My husband and I are about the same as in we have been married almost 2 years now. I think my husband and I are blessed in that we go to work the same hours pretty much Mon-Fri and get home close to the same time every day. Besides being involved in our church and friends around us, we get to spend a lot of time together. We've learned though that sometimes that can work against us too and we tend to fight more when were around each other 24-7. I think it is important to have that time just for the two of you, especially date nights when you get to be with each other and treat each other as if you were still dating, those days were so sweet :) Good job seeking the Lord in how to handle this, I know its hard for me to do that when I get upset or angry at my husband. I have to remember to go to Jesus a lot of the times first.
ReplyDeleteHey Doll! Thanks for the thought provoking post! My Husband and I have been married for 2.5 months (YAY!) but dated for 12 years before finally tying the knot. Here's how we stay connected...
ReplyDelete1.When the other arrives home. stop what your doing and welcome them, even a simple smooch and "how was your day honey".
2. We go to the cabin, just us, at least once a month, more if our schedules allow.
3.We get up 20-30 minutes early every morning to have "morning pillow talk". We talk about the previous day, the day ahead, nothing at all and everything under the sun. Nothing sets the course for an Amazing day... Like an Amazing Morning! Favorite part of every day!
I loved reading your post ! I am quite a newlywed, we got married in July 2011, but we've both very busy with work so I totally see what you mean. I need as time with my hubby as I can have ! We watch a few tv series together and always have breakfast together even when we're in a hurry, we sit at the same table always when we're home for our meals and try to do things together in the kitchen. Plus we usually go on one or two dates during the weekend. We go to the movies a lot and try to do so many things together. Best wishes to you and your hubby, you sound like a lovely couple ! If you want we could follow each other and anyway I have a make up giveaway on my blog and I'd love you to enter, check it out :-) Kisses from Italy
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Enter my Chanel and Too Faced Giveaway !
I love this! I am getting married in 5.5 months and love hearing this kind of advice. It's great to hear you are taking time out to pray with each other and asking God to be part of this solution. Thanks!
ReplyDeletexo L.
When we were married 2 yrs (I was in grad school and hubs working hard = never see each other) we each made a list of 10 things/activites we wanted from each other (and because we were low on cash, 5 had to be free). Not only did we get to surprise each other (because we randomly picked one thing a month off each other's lists), but we got to learn what the other really wanted and love them in thier 'language'. After a few months I even forgot what I had 'asked for'.. it ended up being really romantic and special .. we've been married almost 10yrs and are still a work in progress too.. thanks for the great posts Molly and good luck <><Lauren
ReplyDeleteLove this!
ReplyDeleteHunny weve been married 4 years and I know exactly where your coming from! One thing you need to always remember is to communicate with each other daily, and I mean really just talk about how your day was etc..date nights are important! We try to go out once a week, dinner movie the fun stuff we used to do when we dated. Its important to have that fun in your marriage growing! And key word is pray. We pray together every night before bed with out little son too. ;) Once you have a baby I think it will bring you two even more closer than ever. But no rush..whenever your ready.
♥
Pearl
Eventhough i'm not married, i kinda know how you feel. My boyfriend and I have been so busy lately that we've see each other. I really wish we could also just sit down and talk about how we can see each other more and be able to spend our time that we have together wisely.
ReplyDeleteMolly! Thank you for your honest post and sharing straight from the heart! The Hubs & I both appreciated your words of encouragement - I forwarded it on to him, of course :)
ReplyDeletei'm still very much a newly-wed too (it'll be 13 months in a week), so my suggestions are limited. i have thoroughly enjoyed all of these comments tho! one thing that has been KEY for us from the get-go, and especially now that his job is more demanding and i'm back in school(and both of us knowing that he will be going back for that elusive doctorate soonish too)- is we go to bed together every night. even when i have a ginormous test that needs cramming, i go to bed when he does. we chat and watch the Daily Show with Jon Stewart, and pray together before we fall asleep. (and then i get up loonnnnngg before the crack of dawn to do all of that cramming old me would have done until the wee morning hours)
ReplyDeleteLove this post Molly! :)
ReplyDeleteMy husband and I have been married over a year and together over 3 years. Our work schedules are similar in arriving home so I feel quite lucky to always be able to have dinner together. Making at least 1 night a week to sit at the dining table, candles and room for dessert (of course!) to just really connect and enjoy each other is what it's all about. We too have the 15 minutes before bed to talk, snuggle and smooch ;) Keep it up with your guy - it sounds like you two have quite a great foundation already. <3
As long as you have the Lord at the center of your marriage, its bound for greatness =)
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